When the negative thoughts come – and they will; they come to all of us – it’s not enough to just not dwell on it… You’ve got to replace it with a positive thought. – Joel Osteen
In life, we often face challenges that test our strength and resilience, and when endometriosis enters the picture, it can amplify our struggles and shake our sense of self-worth. This can leave one feeling like a failure in the face of constant obstacles. Lately, I've found myself trapped in a cycle of feeling like a failure, as endometriosis has impacted various areas of my life. Today, I want to share my personal experience and shed light on the emotions that arise from feeling like a failure. Hopefully, together we can find a way to navigate these treacherous feelings and find the strength to break free from the grip of failure.
Lately, the weight of failure has been heavy on my shoulders, amplified by the relentless nature of endometriosis. It seems as though every aspect of my life has been affected, leaving me questioning my capabilities and self-worth. It's been a relentless battle, with one blow after another, leaving me questioning my abilities and sinking into the depths of self-doubt.
These specific areas have been particularly challenging, exacerbating these feelings of inadequacy:
I just dropped out of my course
I can barely keep up with my job
I feel like I'm not good enough to fulfil my job responsibilities successfully. It's like I'm getting things wrong almost every single day
I can barely keep up with my daily household responsibilities
I feel like a terrible wife almost everyday
I can't make babies
I can't juggle life and this monster of an illness, and some people have handled it better
I just don't feel good enough
I haven't been able to relocate my mother to a new and lovely place to call home
I'm tired. Almost all the time I'm so darn tired
The weight of these perceived failures has been crushing. The constant fear of not being good enough haunts me, as if I'm constantly getting things wrong and falling short.
One of the most difficult decisions I've had to make recently was dropping out of my course. It was a dream I held close to my heart, but the reality of managing my health alongside demanding studies became overwhelming. Endometriosis imposed its limitations, and I found myself at a crossroads, forced to prioritise my well-being and choose a different path.
The daily battle with endometriosis has taken its toll on my professional and personal life as well. Despite my best efforts, I find it increasingly challenging to keep up with the demands of my job and my responsibilities. The debilitating pain, the fog of medication, and the constant need for rest make every task feel like a mountain to climb. It's disheartening to witness my productivity decline, leading to self-doubt and a sense of failure.
In the midst of this turmoil, my mind often wanders to a place of solace—a distant land free from expectations, pain, and sadness. I yearn for the freedom of floating in the sky, surrounded by serene harp music, gazing upon the vast ocean. Yet, reality tethers me to this body and mind, where negative thoughts and feelings persist.
Our minds can be both our ally and our enemy. They have the ability to shape our perceptions, even when they don't align with reality. Acknowledging this, I recognise the danger of falling into the trap of self-deprecation and negative thinking. It's crucial to find a centre (something I've picked up from therapy and self help blogs), a grounding force that pulls us back to reality and helps us escape the clutches of destructive thoughts before they consume us. My centre: my fur-baby, my Sunshine, a phone call with mother dearest, my siblings, my go to movie comforts and some of my music playlists.
Here are 5 tips that I'd like to share, to overcome the mind's deception:
Embrace self-compassion: Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can in the face of immense challenges.
Challenge negative thoughts: Question the validity of your self-critical beliefs and replace them with positive affirmations.
Seek support: Surround yourself with a supportive community, loved ones, and professionals who understand your struggles and uplift you.
Practice self-care: Prioritise your physical and emotional wellbeing, engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
Celebrate small victories: Recognise and appreciate even the smallest achievements along your journey, fostering a sense of accomplishment and progress.
The list looks simple enough - just 5 things. But the Almighty knows that getting to that place of 'overcoming' can be rather challenging. It takes every little bit of strength that you have hidden in the depths of your soul. But you can get there.
Amidst the darkness of feeling like a failure, it's vital to redefine success through the lens of endometriosis. Success should not be measured solely by traditional standards but rather by the resilience and strength we demonstrate every day in the face of adversity. Celebrating small victories, whether it's managing pain, advocating for our health, or simply getting out of bed, becomes an empowering act.
Living with a chronic illness like endometriosis is an arduous journey, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Finding a balance between mind, body, and soul becomes essential when faced with an illness that lacks a cure. The mind's battles must be met with resilience, but we must also surround ourselves with positivity, love, and a supportive network that can lift us up when we stumble - this is the chapter that I'm currently sitting on, as I write this blog entry.
Endometriosis is a relentless adversary that tests our strength and challenges our self-perception. It may temporarily shake our foundations and make us question our worth, but it does not define us or diminish our potential. We are warriors, fighting battles both seen and unseen. Though it may feel like an uphill battle, there is hope on the horizon. The path to reclaiming our sense of self and purpose lies in seeking proper medical care, exploring alternative treatments, and finding a support network that understands the intricacies of this dreadful disease. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with each step forward, you are moving closer to a life of balance and fulfilment.
So, am I really a failure? Nuh uh.
As I continue my own journey, I remind myself that although the road may be fraught with hardships, I am still here, determined to break free from the grip of failure. It's a cycle of emotions, but with the right mindset, support, and a sprinkle of self-compassion, we can rise above the darkness and find solace in the light. Remember, you are never alone on this journey, and there is always a way forward. If there wasn't, I wouldn't be here.
Signed,
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